That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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