I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
