if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
