Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
