Ambien. No doubt about it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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