my being single is dangerous.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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