a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize