So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
