I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
