A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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