That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
