You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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