do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
