your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
