so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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