Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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