What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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