I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
