We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
