They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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