There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
