Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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