I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
