i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
