Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
two words: eviction party
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
