you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
