i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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