I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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