I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
