I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
