Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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