I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
