hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i need some magic done to my vagina
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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