I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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