i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
