Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
