I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
