Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
