Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
