Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
