At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
