I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
