we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
