whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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