I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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