I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
