She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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