he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
