So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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