apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
