took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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