last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
