I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize