Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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