hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
