So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
