it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
