you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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