I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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