Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
