She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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