We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
