That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
