Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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