She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
