you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
