I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think my tv is drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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