Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
