Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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