I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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