I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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