Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i believe in u and ur pee
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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